Superbly Single Girl Monique Shares Her Advice for Healing a Heartbreak
I thought the weeks after we broke up would be terrible, lonely, and sad. Instead, I created an experiment to test how quickly I could get over him.
Photo Courtesy of Femcafe
I once had a friend tell me, “I like getting dumped. At least it means I tried.”
I met a guy, I tried, and I got dumped. I really liked this guy. I never once thought he wouldn’t want to make things work with me. I was crying. I had to get on a flight home. I sat there in the airport terminal dreading the emotions I was going to have to suffer through until I got over him. Disappointment. Loneliness. Confusion. Sadness. More crying. Then I thought “STOP.” I don’t want to suffer through that. I want my life to be happy. And I created a plan. I called it “How I’m Going To Get Over Heartbreak In 1 Day.”
I chose “1 Day” because I didn’t think he deserved to take any more than 1 day of happiness out of my life. Life is short. I don’t want to waste it being unhappy. I have to protect my happiness. If I lose it, I have to get it back as quickly as possible.
So these are the 10 things I did to “Get Over Heartbreak in 1 Day”…
1. I Made a List.
On the plane, I made a list of 10 ways I could find abundance in the situation. “Now I have an abundance of learning that I never would’ve had without this experience!” “An abundance of time not wasted!” “An abundance of other men in the world!” “An abundance of love I have that I can give to someone else!” I like thinking in terms of abundance. I think it’s more tangible than just trying to turn negative thinking into positive thinking.
2. I Talked to People Who Loved Me.
I called my dad and my sister. They said exactly what they were supposed to say: “I love you and that guy is stupid.” It made me feel better.
3. I Wrote Down My Feelings.
I wrote down everything I hated about him. I don’t really hate him, but I pretended for a while. I came up with 17 things. Great!
4. I Decided not to Listen to Any Music.
Most music either is about how much you love someone or how much they hurt you. I knew either subject would remind me of him, and I was trying to forget him. I replaced music with podcasts and audiobooks—things in which I could maybe learn something new.
5. I Joined Match.com… immediately.
I didn’t feel like dating anyone, but I did feel better when I came home to an inbox of 16 emails from new guys the next day.
6. I Went to Bed.
I knew that peak sadness hours would happen later at night—alone in my apartment. So as soon as I got home, I forced myself to go to bed as quickly as possible. When you’re sleeping, you can’t be sad.
7. I Worked Out.
This is important for 3 reasons: a) it release endorphins b) there are lots of guys at the gym, and c) you get a nicer body.
8. I Set Goals.
I made a list of very difficult goals to achieve in a month. I made the list really long, hard, and fun. Every goal I was excited about. I started thinking more about the goal list than him.
9. I Volunteered.
I volunteered at hospice, with a family who had just lost their brother. It’s very hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re working with people in a lot more pain than you.
10. I Wrote Him Letters.
I still really missed talking to him. So I kept writing him letters and told myself I would send one of them in two days. Two days later I’d reread it and realize it no longer sounded like a good idea.
Of course I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t going to be over him one day. It actually took about a week… a week I would’ve otherwise spend sad and crying. But I didn’t. I defended my happiness. A lot of good things happened that week. A lot of better things have happened since.
If you’re currently trying to get over heartbreak, know that it might not take a day, or even a week. But the pursuit of trying to get over him quickly certainly helped me get over him faster. I’d love to know if these tips help you. There’s no shame in getting dumped. At least it meant that you tried. And I think a shot at love is always a risk worth taking.
Monique is an aspiring crazy cat lady living in Cincinnati, Ohio.